the dissolving of fear and judgment

Lately, I have been applying some of my philosophical studies to my practicing and teaching. Probably one of the most overlooked concepts in playing well is the removal (or at least the taming) of fear and judgment. When a great player performs, there is a confidence, a radiance, a certain type of grace which only shines through when fear and judgment is let go.

Ask a great player what it feels like to be on stage when everything is going smoothly and they say something like "it feels free, fun, I'm just one with the music". That is to say - there is no fear, no judgment. When things are REALLY going well - there's no thinking at all.

As students (especially guitarists who see themselves as inferior musicians many times) we learn to fear and judge most of what we do. If the tone isn't quite right or if we miss a note, we get upset and judge ourselves harshly. When a difficult passage creeps up, our natural tendency is to tense up - a reaction of fear. We rarely enjoy what we do - instead we expect one day we will get better, and THEN we can then enjoy it. But I'm afraid that this keeps us "chasing our tail", because as we DO get better, our bar for perfection also rises. Thus we are always one step away from where we want to be - and fear and judgment continues no matter how far we've progressed.

There are two ways to deal with this fear and judgment when playing.

The first way is the way that most are taught (myself included). Practice a technique or piece/passage so much that eventually the body relaxes, the mind calms down, you start to enjoy the playing, and eventually confidence begins to come. You "know" the piece - and fear and judgment begin to melt away. On some days they totally disappear and you play great. On other days, they show their ugly heads and you play worse. We've all experienced this.

There's nothing wrong with this approach, however, it's incomplete.

The second way to deal with fear and judgment is even better in my opinion, because it deals with our mental state. You practice the mental and physical attitude of mastery and allow yourself to make mistakes - completely and with enjoyment.

This means, when you practice, you completely allow the mistakes - make them on purpose, with joy, with confidence. The whole time you are doing this, feel confident and enjoy whatever arises out of the chaos. Don't in any way think about the inaccuracy of notes or tone. Pluck multiple strings at once, enjoy your "bad" tones, make shifts fast without caring about accuracy, and push the tempo to what you feel like it should be regardless of current physical limitations. Practice with complete abandon and freedom regardless of what comes out. Imagine that the piece is written this way and you are playing it perfectly.

For people who obsessively judge their mistakes and fear imperfection in playing (most of us), this will seem weird, and if their mind is not open to this idea, they will think it's stupid and a waste of time. However, remember that playing well is much more mental than physical - we want to practice the mental state of playing with freedom, without fear, and with unconditional love.

So you want to focus on the state of effortless, free motion regardless of what happens. Will you make mistakes? - yes, and please make many....haha. Enjoy it, relax, laugh at the mistakes - don't let them intimidate you at all.

When you go back to practicing accurately, remember the feeling of freedom you had when you dropped your fear and judgment. Try to feel like that when you are then focusing on accurate playing. If you make a mistake, enjoy it and "allow" it as you did before. With this mentality you'll end up making less mistakes and build your courage and confidence. With time, you'll notice more freedom, more accuracy, more relaxed technique, bigger tone, and more joy.

When we do not fear and judge, we are free to be creative and happy. This is a major key to great playing (notice the word - "playing"). It may sound crazy to some, however it is based on the wise principle of "what you resist, persists". If you resist making mistakes (aka - try not to) you actually will continue to make them over and over again.

The key word is "allow". Allow yourself to be free. Music is free - be like music.

NYC - Feb 4, 2008

Merrry Christmas - 2007

Below is a small gift from me to the guitarists who read this blog. I want you all to know how much I admire you. It takes courage to study music with love and faith - and even more so on an instrument which is as demanding as the classical guitar. Keep following your bliss.

The First Noel arranged for solo guitar (with video)

Sincerely

Kevin

introspection

"Those who have conquered doubt and fear have conquered failure"

James Allen

progress is impossible if you always do things the same way

thought, word, deed

Pay close attention to the words and thoughts you use throughout the day.

Words like "I can't" or "I don't" (play well, memorize, learn fast, count well, get a good sound etc. etc.) will shut down your mind's ability to find answers. It will simply agree with you and prove you to be right time and time again.

Questions like "How can I?" or "What do I need to do?" (to play well, memorize, learn fast, count well, get a good sound etc. etc.) will open your mind to the solutions. Your subconscious will work on the problem for you and you will get the answers much more rapidly.

Remove "I can't" from your vocabulary - replace it with "How can I?"

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Albert Fuller (1926 - 2007)

Albert Fuller, who was one of the most influential people in my life, died on Sept 22. I just read about his passing in the Juilliard newspaper. An obituary from the NY times is here

I met Mr. Fuller when I took his class on performance practice in 1992. Tyically, one would think a Juilliard class such as this would be centered around "what kind of trills to execute" and "which editions of Bach's works are the most authentic". However, I'm happy to report that his class had very little to do with any of that.

His lectures reminded us how magical the invisible world of music really is and how fortunate we are to study it. He encouraged us to use our imagination, to question authorities, and to create our own rules and lives. He wanted us to understand that the master composers were not just statues and chapters in music history books. They felt what we felt - they were warmed by the same sun, breathed the same air, walked on the same earth. They felt love and lust, joy and sorrow, victory and defeat. We are all one.

I was so taken by his lectures that I signed up for private chamber music coachings with him - and he let me take them as a solo guitarist. One day I played a Bach Largo for him in a rather dry manner. He stopped me half way through and simply said "think hand mic" and then sang the melody freely as a jazz singer would - pretending to hold a microphone in his hand. It might sound humorous, but I tell you that this one lesson changed my entire perspective on music.

Albert wanted us to think outside the box - and to realize that the box was put there by someone else. I'm very grateful to have known this man for even a little bit of time. May he be joyous.

Mastery

I'm reading about Mastery and recently heard a lecture where it was broken down into 4 basic parts.

Mastery

Discipline - Using the will to keep thoughts and actions on what you want - not on what you don't want.

Education - Learning for the joy of learning / being curious and open minded.

Unconditional Love - Loving something without expectations of future reward.

Surrender - Detachment from the outcome / freedom from worry and judgment


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